Yet, I enjoy working. I have defined myself as a teacher for the past 11 years and before I had Ella, it was the most defining of my roles. I have grown up teaching. Just out of college at the age of 22 I had my first job and I poured myself into teaching. I was a teacher; It was who I was. Soon Ryan and I got married and I was a teacher AND a wife. As time passed, I had Ella and I became a mother and a wife who taught. My role as a teacher became less of who I was.
Now with Ryan's new job and unpredictable schedule, it seems to be the right time to stay at home. Giving up my job, even temporarily to stay home with the kids, is not easy. I still enjoy teaching, but I enjoy my kids more. The idea of staying at home with them seems like a new adventure, a new challenge. I know there will be days where I will want to trade in the Play-Doh, tantrums, and string cheese for paper grading, lesson planning, and assessment. Surely I will miss my co-workers, my sense of accomplishment, and my quiet lunches.
Don't get me wrong, I have always wanted to stay at home, but I have always worked. In fact, most of my life I have worked multiple jobs. I have a lot of expertise working, and like I said, I like to work. Besides, having my income does not suck. Yet, staying at home is something that I have always wanted to do. And there is my confliction: I want to work AND I want to stay at home. This will be a defining year for my work vs. stay at home internal battle
In the meantime, I have big plans for staying at home. Ever the teacher, I have a ridiculous plan in place. I have been pinning art projects so I can have art activities up my sleeve for when the boredom hits. To be honest with you, I joke around about having a weekly "planning period" at Starbucks. I envision selecting crafts to replicate, menu planning, and locating recipes for Ella and I to bake. I think the hubs just might go for it considering he does most of the cooking. Plus, I just placed my daily Amazon order and it consisted of this handy contraption:
I do mean business. I want to make sure that this time spent with my kids is magical, stimulating, and nurturing. I want to do things with them. I want to make things with them. I want to engage them. After all, I am a mother AND a teacher.